LOST IN THE USHERS OF TYM

“Y r u so sad? I hav been noticing it 4 quite a few days ….”
“Who me??? HeHe… no, I m not sad . Wat gav u d impression dat I was sad ?”
“Dunno …. Nothing expressible ….”

This piece of conversation initially seemed funny 2 me. Der was no reason y dad shud feel I m sad ! I laugh n talk; do d normal routine stuff of eatin n sometyms going out! Even though I cant say dat I m happy, at least I m not unhappy!
Wat cud hav givn dad dat idea ….

Is it true, wat he said??? Is it possible dat I m really sad, only dat I didn’t know it yet.
Maybe my body knows it… jus dat I m stl unaware.
D next tym I caught ma reflection, I looked at it … n realized wat was missin.

D eyes r listless …. Empty.
D voice sounds bored, kinda like it prefers not 2 b heard ….
D smile ends wher it starts, on d lips ….

A year ago, it was different!
I was happy …. Genuinely happy!
Even ma body knew it! I knew it! We were in harmony!
D eyes were shiny n filled with laughter,
The voice bubbly n excited,
D laughter waiting 2 break out on the slightest pretext, an infectious laughter dat used 2 reflect in ma eyes in the form of the tears rolling down my cheeks!
Looking bac, it seems as if I m staring at an entirely different person …

I want dat vivacity bac!
Is it possible … mite b , all I need is 2 b truly happy again n dis thot only propels me into further misery coz I know I cannot b happy ere ….
Ma present life never makes me live …
It only succeeds in keeping me existing

But maybe in a few months tym , it will b different !
I mite b in a different place …
Change is not only possible but mite very well b on er way n sometimes on quite mornings I can even hear her breathe